i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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