i jhust puked up my retainher.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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