This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
