Too much gin, very little bucket
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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