I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
