i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
