I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
