I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
