went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The ass gains better be worth it
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