Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
