the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
