Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
