we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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