Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
