I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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