She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sorry about my life...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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