I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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