Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
