tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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