They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
