You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
