why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
