She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i barfeds in our rink
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
