so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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