god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she looked like the before picture.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
