If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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