It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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