you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Randomize
