We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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