everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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