There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
