we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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