Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
