so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize