i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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