so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
