You just made me feel so damn special
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize