i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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