I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
