I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
