Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
