Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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