happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
