He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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