I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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