called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
