She is in my trunk
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Someone came in the potted fern
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
