nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
