When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize