i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
