I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
