a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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