actually, I'm a sock model
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
