It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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