I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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