that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think a kid would responsible me up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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