I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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