HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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