After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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