This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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