If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
