I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
