R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
