I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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