Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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