May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
