We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
