ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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