Someone shit on the floor
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
