I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
