they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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