i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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