so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
