I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
