His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
