She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
thus making me awesome and them whores
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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