final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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