first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
