I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
