Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
