I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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