She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
