WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
