Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
