If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
there is puke in my bra ... again
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize