Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
