we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
